Oh Brother, Where the Hell Are You?!
by SodasRockMyParty
Summary: **R-rated for language/incest/slash** Christian hasn't had sleep in two days, and the airplane ride to England doesn't help... AT ALL.


Title: Oh Brother, Where The Hell Are You?!?!  
Author: Nova (midnightprism@aol.com)  
Category: Humor  
Feedback: Please give me feedback!!  
Archive: With permission  
Rating: PG-13  
Warnings: Language, Slash Implied  
Disclaimer: Christian Cage, X-Pac, Triple H, Big Show, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, and Edge are trademarks of WWF/Titan Sports. Jason Reso, Sean Waltman, Paul Levesque, Paul Wight, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, and Adam Copeland do not belong to me, as much as I wish they did! The purpose of this fic is for entertainment only; no money is being made, trust me.  
Author's Notes: I got the idea for the title of this story from a movie called, "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?" I thought it would be nice to shake up my style a little, as I don't write much humor. Hope you guys will like this one!  
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I haven't slept a wink in two days, the only reason I'm able to hold my head up now is the PMS pills I stole from Terri and the coffee I chased them down with; God bless caffeine... if Edge were here, he'd keep all these people away from me and I could get some sleep...  
  
"Christian! Wakey, wakey!" Christian opens one blue eye to look up at Jeff Hardy, who was leaning over the back of his airplane seat. He groaned loudly, throwing his hand up with intentions of smacking Jeff over the head, but he hit nothing but air. Pushing himself further down into the seat, he rolled his eyes as someone tapped him on the head again. "Damn it, Jeff! Leave me the fuck- oh man, I'm really sorry about that;" he said nervously, turning around and facing Hunter Helmsley, who didn't look very happy at the outburst. "Surprise, Chrissy!!!" Jeff exclaimed from the seat beside Hunter. "Got a little untapped anger there, vampy?" Hunter said, poking Christian in the chest. "No, man I'm just real tired; I haven't slept in two days and I'm about to die. When Edge gets here I'm just gonna pass out and have him keep everyone away from me." "Aww, brother's little baby!" X-Pac said from the row beside Triple H, slapping him a high five before looking at Christian and smiling. Christian was stunned. "Aww, come on, everybody heard Edge calling you Chrissy earlier today! It was sweet, in a weird, twisted, sick sorta way; I mean, it's not like we're not happy for you, but come on! You two are brothers!!" "Well, I really don't see how that's any of your-" "Hey, we said we were happy for you guys, don't push your luck!" Triple H said, smacking Christian on the back and causing the spot to go numb. "Hey, Paul!! Come up here; we got something to tell ya!" Triple H said, waving at The Big Show who was sitting with Kane and the Undertaker in the back. Paul got up and walked up to the front, sitting down in the free seat beside Christian, completely squishing him. He was beginning to see purple and black spots everywhere before he coughed up enough air to ask Paul to, "Pl-pl... pleassse ge-get off me!!" "Oh, sorry about that, baby vampire! Didn't mean to squash you." He scooted over a couple inches, allowing Christian's blue eyes to roll back around to their normal position. By this time, Christian was getting pretty ticked off at Triple H, who had been braiding Christian's hair in tiny braids and various other patterns. "Hey, Paul, wanna know a secret?" Triple H said to the big man sitting practically on Christian's lap. "Yeah, what is it?" "Little Chrissy there's been playing mommy-daddy with big brother Edge!" Paul looks down at Christian, and the little blonde sighs deeply. 'Edge, where the hell are you?!?!' his mind was screaming as the anger slowly built up inside him. "Well, ain't that sweet!" Paul said, wrapping his arms around the small man and squeezing for all it was worth. "It's nice to know that relationships like that are legal somewhere in the world, even if I'll never go to Canada!" he said jokingly. "Seriously though, vampire, couldn't you find somebody that didn't have so many damn teeth?!" That... was it. Christian's hands began to tremble, and tears of pure anger came to his eyes. "Get the fuck out of my seat before I do my damn best at trying to beat the living hell out of all three of you," he said calmly. "What was that, Cage?" "I said get the fuck away from me; are you fucking deaf?!?! And get your motherfucking hands out of my goddamn hair, you stupid ass prissy bitch!! Lord knows where they've been, now I have to fucking sterilize my hair! And Edge does not have too many teeth!!!" he exploded, leaping over the seat and bringing Hunter to the floor, punches raining down on the bigger man's body like small bolts of lightning. Meanwhile, in the back, Matt Hardy looked up from the magazine he was reading, and looked over at Al Snow. "Is that the little vampire guy?" Al just shrugged his shoulders in puzzlement. He said it loud enough for Christian to hear, though, and soon Christian is in the back of the plane beating the mortal crap out of Matt Hardy. "You have no room to talk, you bastard!! You fucked your brother last night in the hotel, too!!!" he screamed as the Undertaker pulled him away from Matt, kicking and screaming all the way. Matt just lay in the floor, absolutely dumbfounded and embarassed, because practically everyone in the plane was looking at him now.  
  
Edge got on the plane before the Undertaker could get Christian back to his seat. "Chrissy, Chrissy, baby what is wrong with you?!" he said, taking the suddenly energetic boy from the large man and wrapping his arms around him before putting Christian in the inside seat, and sitting down beside him. "Oh Edge, what took you so long?! You have no idea all the torture they put me through while I was waiting for you..." Christian began to bawl. "Aww, baby, I know, I'm sorry I took so long; I just had some trouble with my passport. You tired, babydoll? You look like it." "You have no idea, Edge, I'm soooo tired," Christian cried before laying his head on Edge's lap and finally, getting the sleep he very well deserved. Edge looked down on his younger brother lovingly, smiling in knowing that his angel was finally getting to rest, after all, Edge knew the baby hadn't slept in nearly two whole days. He brushed the smaller man's hair out of his face gently, tucking it behind his ear before kissing his cheek softly, putting his arm around the smaller man's shoulders and rubbing Christian's cheek with one hand while holding his book open with the other. 


End file.
